The Talk

A few days ago, Husband and Boy had The Talk. Over lunch, a friend from the US had informed us, he’d tried to talk with his fifteen year old, on the intricacies of sexual relationships, where to get condoms . . .how women came, (especially important for porn watching teen boys who would naturally assume a few thrusts and she’d be shrieking in ecstasy. Actually come to think of it, not just porn watching teen boys . . .) and what to do if he felt a burning sensation when he peed. It sounded like a good idea, except the fifteen year old listened for about two seconds before leaving the house.

“You have to have the talk early” said our US friend. So Husband and I discussed what we wished we’d been told as a teenager. I would have liked to be told more about pleasure and less about the Dire Disaster of Pregnancy. Husband wished he’d had a better idea of how to approach girls. Thus armed, he took Son off for a manly burger. And told him the following:

Where to get condoms. Quickly changed to an assurance that once he was sixteen, we’d supply them in a large sweetie jar and wouldn’t keep checking to see if he’d gotten lucky.

Physcial changes. Including the possibility his nipples might tingle. I didn’t know this!

How girls work.

Husband confessed that there were many girls he fancied but was too nervous to approach and found out years later that said girls liked him too but were too nervous too . . . .

The best way to approach girls was to think of them as being just like boys. Except without the penis. (Not sure how helpful that was).

I don’t know if it helped but I suspect it’s quite good for teens to remember that their parents were once gawky spotty skanks too. Anyway, Boy swore Husband to secrecy but apparently he’s already kissed a girl. And felt her bum.

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