Make Love Not Warcraft


Yes yes, it’s the title of that Southpark episode where the boys become obsessed with a massive online game, where they don disguises, and fight a massive sword of doom. Or something. Meanwhile, in the ‘real’ world, they’re all becoming obese and acned from eating junk and never going outside. Now that’s what I call satire.

The Boy is OBSESSED with Warcraft. So are his friends. They all play for hours. Two of his best friends came round for a sleepover on Friday, both carrying their computers. I opened the door, and having reeled back from the feral whiff, noticed that the Boy’s bedroom was so full of computer equipment it looked like the headquarters of NASA. The boys were all playing fiercely. We barely heard them all evening, apart from the odd shriek of: “Kill him with your sword of Aragon!” and “Use the lightning rod of destiny!”

The next day, the Boy emerged, looking like Stig of the Dump. But he was beaming. Apparently, he’s earned enough points to get a mechanical chicken for a pet. This is considered a good thing on Warcraft, although I doubt if Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall would agree as it doesn’t constitute the Five Chicken Freedoms; freedom from fear, hunger, pain, distress and looking really stupid in an online game.

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