No it’s not funny at all. (Peppa Pig is great though – for anyone with small children. Daddy Pig is actually quite sexy. Yes I should get out more.) And here’s a very good link from the esteemed Guardian with absolutely no rubbish puns about being ‘pig sick’ or ‘oinkment’ or a ‘hamdemic’ Right – I’m going to stop now. Husband and I sat and listened to some grave voiced Radio 4 presenter telling us what we could do to protect ourselves. ‘It’s like Protect and Survive’ said Husband. You remember Protect and Survive, narrated by Patrick (Danish Bacon and now Big Brother – Allen?) If you think you haven’t – if you’ve ever heard ‘Two Tribes’ by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, you’ll have heard Patrick Allen’s sonorous tones telling us what to do in the event of a nuclear attack. It was absolutely terrifying:
It was also a complete waste of time. Particular scorn was pouted on the part about the fallout being announced by ‘three gongs, or three whistles’. Rung or blown by whom? And who did we ring to complain if nobody was around to bang the gongs? There was also a bit about if you were caught outside just before a nuclear attack. You were advised to ‘lie down and put your coat over your head’. If only they’d thought of that in Hiroshima.
But with the mounting fears of swine flu, echoes of Protect and Survive ran round my head. We need to feel there is something we can do to protect ourselves, and our children. But apart from washing our hands, wearing masks, glaring at anyone who sneezes on the tube, and handling knobs carefully (see I didn’t rise to the bait), there is nothing more we can do. ‘We’d better keep an eye on The Girl’ said Husband. Again – yeees I see what he means – sort of. But what do we actually do? Keep her clean? Feed her properly? Make sure she washes her hands? Yes – all that. And get on with our lives. In my case, getting back to the book. Wrote a page yesterday. Crossed it all out today. One step forward three steps back.