The pain suddenly morphed into nausea and my mouth soured as I vomited copiously. Odd what goes through you head – I suddenly realised why I dislike those poncy ‘foams’ that are perched onto your food in post restaurants – they reminded me of when you have nothing left in your stomach but are still being sick.
Donald Trump flies into Scotland today, his red hatted man of the people posturing at the ready. He is on a whistlestop tour to open a golf course in Turnberry, henceforth to be known as Trump Turnberry. In 2010, Mr Trump promised the people of Scotland he would ‘build the biggest golf course in the … Continue reading Donald Trump: Are there any shocks left?
The girl comes home from school her lip trembling. I ask her if she’s ok and she says she’s fine. We talk about school for a minute, then I repeat my question. She repeats her answer a little louder and shrugs to her room. The girl is just twelve but has become very private recently. … Continue reading That awful moment when you realise you can’t protect your child from pain and failure
I was a waitress once, in an Islington Brasserie called Uppers. This was in the early eighties and the only half decent restaurant review plastered all over the front door was a very pretty bistro. That was it. The rest of the sentence was probably . . . but the food is shit. The restaurant … Continue reading Once a Waitress
SAYS WHO? you might say. Well says me. Only three weeks ago I saw one of my work colleagues being ranted at by an ex-student because he wanted a meeting 'NOW' and she politely explained that she couldn't as she had to leave and pick up her child because if she was late she would … Continue reading 99% of workplace stress down to worrying about childcare
One of my earliest memories as a Catholic girl was the bi-yearly visit of The Society of the Protection of the Unborn Child. In they would bustle, armed with large placards. I remember mum glaring at me because I pointed to one and said ‘that lady looks like Dick Emery.’ They seemed less concerned with … Continue reading Woman reported to police for not being sorry she had an abortion.
World Book Day 2011 Getting ready for work and on the phone to my sister about finding a suitable home for our rapidly deteriorating father. 'I can’t talk now,' I sigh. 'You can never talk,' says my sister, quite reasonably. 'Yes but now I really can't talk. My daughter is sitting on the toilet dressed … Continue reading World *Boak* Day
The male hairdresser next to me who was busy primping and joshing his client laughed and said, ‘I call that Bustop Burgundy because I see so many elderly ladies with that awful colour.’ We then had a very cheering bitch about the fact that burgundy didn’t suit Cheryl Cole who is utterly gorgeous but not even she could make that colour look anything other than straight out of a box of Superdrug Mauve Mist or whatever they call it.
Remember Dr Raj Persaud? He used to be on television, a reliable, medically qualified psychiatrist who could explain complex medical issues on the Richard and Judy sofa, without sounding patronising. He also presented, All in the Mind on Radio 4. Then, in his book, On the Edge of the Couch, he admitted plagiarising Professor Thomas Blass, … Continue reading A plagiarism on both your houses
Rewriting is like grieving. Nobody wants to face it, but the only way out of it is through it.